(Note: My mother died of cancer in 2012 April 10. I wrote this article during 2010. I realized I have include some of my feeling about my late mom)
Arguments are the outcome of deepest emotions, and the louder we speak the harder it is to hear, It’s not always easy but the quieter we speak the closer one has to listen and only love can shine through. Life is like a jigsaw first the outer edges are formed before the middle is complete, so if we all come together like a jigsaw and did the outer edges first then the middle comes together slowly but surely, life is not always easy.
BUT some time when I lost in my retrospection I find the most perfect moment in my life
When I was 8 I was left in boarding school alone in the crowd of children like me .they were also innocent, helpless and mourning fro their mother and father. The very day when I was left their, I felt alone, felt as if the rest of life I have to spend within the boundary of the boarding school. I used to sleep with one of my colleagues and with the opening of my eyes in the morning, the bed used to be wet .I don’t accuse my mother for not taking me to piss before sleeping in the night. I got scold by the hostel warden but the words were not hard than the word “bye” thrown from the helpless tongue of my mother. I don’t say that I was especial among 100 children like me to miss home but I can readily say that I was not enough conscious to share my feeling at that age coz I had nobody to talk. The day starting with the cold bread with jam between and ending with the dizzy eyes felt sleepy in the night class got bitten with stick in the finger. I was isolated. Why my father did so? Does he love me not? Or I was too stubborn or intolerable in home to my own mother. My two sister were always hurrying to send me to boarding with packet of biscuit and horlicks. I never ate it. I gave to my peers whom I don’t know. I lost everything that was homely to me. the scolding of my mother, messing hair of my sister, stealing sugar, eating raw meat, and of course the monthly dosage of albendazole for killing stomach worm. After I was imprisoned in the wired boundary of boarding school, even during launch I used to have dirty irregular nail .there was nobody to prevent me from biting my nail in spare time as my mother used to in home. I lost the warm lap of my mother in which I used to sleep for a while after having meal daily. In the cold night, ther was nobody to cover my body with sirak coz I used to sleep very messily throwing sirak here and there .In the cold morning we were ordered to put on white shoes but I even did not know to put less in well pattern. Well this are some of the hardest time in my life that I realized after I was separated from home in the far world .I was compelled to transform the feeling of love into discipline and my goodnight in to nightmare. I was naïve enough to have such feeling of departure but how did my mother tolerated the moment she lost her vision toward me in few minutes who used to worry if I was lost for 1 sec from her sight in home .Really the heart of mother is so great? I realized it today?
It’s sad when it happens, but things happen for a reason – and there are definitely more fish in the sea and plenty of opportunities to be had in this world. I do believe that life is for the living and we only get one chance of actually enjoying it as too much time is spent on the trivial things of life.