Social Sciences and Humanity Studies Academic Blog

I lack the “side” where “luck” prefer to stay

Posted in My life by Shekhar on November 17, 2008

Shekhar says, “ For 10 days , putting beside all my study, assignments, presentation, reports and lectures, i toiled day and night to make it.. but..(interrupted by Bobin)

Bobin says, “Sorry for that but I think you are being to possessive about that. It was not only yours. You didn’t own alone it by the way. To give it a re-cognization, every member of the team has equally contributed. You are expressing yourself as if you are the sole contributor of that initiation.

Shekhar cried, “How can you talk to me like that? Do you even imagine how hard is it to endure this hard time when your hopes are crushed like a cockroach by a child. I tried my best (in a weepy voice), I just want to be a small part of that success and I deserve atleast that. I amn’t boasting for what I tried to do. I was just helping myself and my team members to build confidence. It was a small part of learning and the greatest part of identity establishment in own eyes. But as you saw bobin, this final unfaithful day had to come in it’s worst form. Even I can’t blame my sir, my friends and me, and I think it’s the worst idea to blame somebody despite his/her effort. I had rarely thought that my initiation would take such blunder path. Why such thing most of the time happen to me?

Bobin (pressing his nose with his fingers) says, “ I think may be it’s just not happening to you only. You are acting like this because may be you hadn’t faced such ardous time before?….(Shekhar interrupt raising his finger at Bobin )

Shekhar- , “ Before? What do you mean before? This is what I been always been facing. The failure, loss, rejection, worry, tensions, embarrassment and the list goes on and on. Such dark side of life have always been chasing me. Whenever I attempt for some big initiation, at last hour, the real story comes out and I am proved, the loser, Simply the loser!!. This whole world laugh at me and even the situation arise when I feel insecure alone. The mirror I look teases me and I just can’t help myself to be normal. Last time same thing happened to me. I just took a single step towards the path that heads towards my dream project. Do you even imagine bobin how my ambition, my hope and my optimism was shattered inhumanly?

I had to take my class at valley and for it was must for me to take bus from my university chownk. I had to set my journey towards valley daily at 2:00 pm without even taking tiffin (I used to have one apple in my bag incase I didn’t get time to take tiffin). After finishing my classes at 5:30 pm ( my classes started from 4 and ended at 6. One hour theory class and remaining practical. The theory class was most important to me because I would manage to do practical at my hostel room, Dhulikhel), I had to take bus at old buspark. There used to be shortage of vechiles, shortage of fuel and never-ending traffic problems. Standing more than 2 hour in the bus I had to travel and even there was no guarantee that I would reach Dhulikhel. For a whole month, I continued my restless and tiring journey in the Arniko highway (probably the most strike and accident inviting highway in Nepal) in the hope that I am on the right track towards my dream but something unexpected had to be happened, something that would totally slash my effort. My academic study in university was slowly rolling down to ditch. And I couldn’t let it happen because my father had paid so much huge money in my study ( I don’t mean that only my father does, but everybody had got different circumstances that can’t be compared with each other. And I don’t want to do it). My study was and is the only source of hope my father was saving for himself to strengthen ownself with dreams for me.

But that had to happen one day.That unfaithful day had to arrive so fast. All the whole month I was flying was just for landing in this world of misery and depression.

Bobin questioned, “What happened then?”

Shekhar replied in his wrathful voice, “The same irritating story. The problem of fuel shortage was solved after 2 weeks and the vehicles started running smoothly in the highway where I used to travel 6 hours a day standing among the crowded passengers. Accident rarely occurred and probably the Arniko highway became the most Strike-free highway.

After that even when I used to walk along the highway during evening time to get fresh air (isn’t it funny to get fresh air walking side by road which is full of old vehicle running and farting black cloud of smoke), I felt like those vehicles running side be me in their highest speed were teasing at me and at my dream project. Then I left walking along the road side onwards.

Bobin added in his low consolation voice, “ What could you do when your luck was not on your side?”

Shekhar (in his satirical voice with mild laugh) says, “ Luck!. I don’t know even I own that “luck” or not. Probably I lack that “side” where your “luck” prefer to stay. I had been always betrayed and suppressed most of the time by that “luck” (which I don’t own anymore).


2 Responses

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  1. shekhar said, on December 23, 2008 at 4:24 pm

    what’s that?

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